The Good Girl

The Good Girl

A good girl. I used to be one. Didn’t talk back. Didn’t brag. Didn’t fart into my hand and throw it like a grenade. Never wanted to look needy. Or burdensome. Or like I gargled semen for breakfast. Said sorry too much. Said no not enough. Said help me never, not ever....
Style it up, mofos!

Style it up, mofos!

When I was younger, I never relied on a sense of style: I relied on gravity-defying titties and a belly that hadn’t birthed children the size of warthogs. But now? Well, now I want to express myself with more than taut skin. I want to say something with my clothes....
What People Are Saying About SHANNON DOES DINNER

What People Are Saying About SHANNON DOES DINNER

‘If you don’t like Shannon’s hilarious writing and delicious simple food, then I really don’t know why you’re holding a book that’s all about delicious simple food written in Shannon’s truly hilarious way. How embarrassing for you.’ Hamish Blake, TV and...
OK… Diets Suck Penis, But What the F**k Should I Eat?

OK… Diets Suck Penis, But What the F**k Should I Eat?

Keto. Paleo. Plant-based. Clean-eating. Low-carb. Juice Cleanses. Chocolate & Cocaine. Atkins. 5:2. Shakes. Alkaline Diet. Whole30. Sigh. What the fuck? It seems like food and diets go hand in hand these days, and it’s fucking annoying. Nutrition experts often get...
Why Diets Suck Willy

Why Diets Suck Willy

I’m a former nurse so I understand the role that food plays in our health. You can’t barge through life eating a kilo of Skittles a day and expect to thrive, just the same way you can’t suck a thousand dicks in a month and expect not to get a viral facial sore: the...
Getting Back in the Sack

Getting Back in the Sack

If you’d rather be entered by a Subway sandwich than by your partner you’re not alone — lots of couples root less after having children. Sometimes it’s because you’re knackered and don’t have the time; sometimes it’s because...