Life Stuff

Being a grownup sucks willy. So let’s make it a little more fun with some inappropriate, fun and very honest banter.

The Good Girl

The Good Girl

A good girl. I used to be one. Didn’t talk back. Didn’t brag. Didn’t fart into my hand and throw it like a grenade. Never wanted to look needy. Or burdensome. Or like I gargled semen for breakfast. Said sorry too much. Said no not enough. Said help me never, not ever....

Style it up, mofos!

Style it up, mofos!

When I was younger, I never relied on a sense of style: I relied on gravity-defying titties and a belly that hadn’t birthed children the size of warthogs. But now? Well, now I want to express myself with more than taut skin. I want to say something with my clothes....

What People Are Saying About SHANNON DOES DINNER

What People Are Saying About SHANNON DOES DINNER

'If you don’t like Shannon’s hilarious writing and delicious simple food, then I really don’t know why you’re holding a book that’s all about delicious simple food written in Shannon’s truly hilarious way. How embarrassing for you.' Hamish Blake, TV and Radio...

OK… Diets Suck Penis, But What the F**k Should I Eat?

OK… Diets Suck Penis, But What the F**k Should I Eat?

Keto. Paleo. Plant-based. Clean-eating. Low-carb. Juice Cleanses. Chocolate & Cocaine. Atkins. 5:2. Shakes. Alkaline Diet. Whole30. Sigh. What the fuck? It seems like food and diets go hand in hand these days, and it’s fucking annoying. Nutrition experts often get...

Why Diets Suck Willy

Why Diets Suck Willy

I’m a former nurse so I understand the role that food plays in our health. You can’t barge through life eating a kilo of Skittles a day and expect to thrive, just the same way you can’t suck a thousand dicks in a month and expect not to get a viral facial sore: the...

Getting Back in the Sack

Getting Back in the Sack

If you'd rather be entered by a Subway sandwich than by your partner you're not alone -- lots of couples root less after having children. Sometimes it's because you're knackered and don't have the time; sometimes it's because the only finger you're giving your parter...

OK... Diets suck penis, but what the f**k should I eat?

I’m anti-diet. The reason? Because every body is different so there can’t be one single solution that suits everyone. Some bodies thrive on meat and vegetables. Some thrive on tofu and fruit. And some thrive on semen and amphetamines. We are all different. Rather than committing to a stringent regime, I think the secret lies in finding what works for you — finding a lifestyle you can sustain and enjoy and kick arse on.

six weeks of easy dinners

 Everyone assumes Shannon Kelly White loves cooking… you know, seeing as she wrote the bestselling, international award winning* cookbook, Shannon’s Kitchen: Healthy Food You’ll Actually F**king Eat. But the truth is, she doesn’t. She loves eating.

The burden of making nutritious, wholesome meals can be a real ballache because—like herpes—it’s relentless. So Shannon thinks it’s time to channel Johnny Farnham and take the pressure down. Yes, nutrition is bloody important but we don’t want to get caught up in diets, detoxes and dick-pullery and forget that food should bring pleasure as well as nourishment. It shouldn’t be stressful. In today’s busy world what we want—and need—are simple, healthy meals. And that’s exactly what you’ll get from this book.

Along with a collection of hilarious stories, ridiculous illustrations and doodle jokes you never knew you were missing, Shannon will answer the age-old question of, ‘What’s for dinner?’ with 6 weeks of easy meals for those with nary a f**k to give.

parent sex

Unfortunately, after having children many couples find themselves facing a grim situation: their sex life sucks arse. Not literal arse, God no, those days are long gone! One can barely muster up the energy for a lacklustre wristie let alone find the will to push boundaries with a ring-licking, crikey! But how can a couple who used to love rubbing their genitals together become a couple who visit McDonald’s drive-through more regularly than they visit each other’s nether regions? Why does it happen? Here are a few reasons: 

1. Relationship dynamics change after having children and the new roles and identities alter your connection.

2. Caring for kids is a fuckload of work and you can end up feeling unappreciated, unsupported and unsexy.

3. You may think your partner is a total dickbag.

4. After birth women may worry their vagina looks as though it birthed a hefty cassowary, talons first. Post-partum body changes can make us feel about as erotic as a poo.

5. You’d rather eat Tim Tams than dick.

6. You’re fucking tired.


Enquiries to my girl, Jess at:





Shannon's Bathroom Window