When I was younger, I never relied on a sense of style: I relied on gravity-defying titties and a belly that hadn’t birthed children the size of warthogs. But now? Well, now I want to express myself with more than taut skin. I want to say something with my clothes. Sometimes it’s, ‘Fuck off, I’m tired’; sometimes it’s, ‘Hey! I’m fun!’; and sometimes it’s, ‘Yes, I’ve birthed humans toenails first but I’m still hot, ya dingleberry, so piss off with your judgement’.

But how do you do it when most shops seem to stock clothing made from fabric that would be better suited to bagging citrus fruits? I don’t fucking know so I asked a professional – stylist and shopping guru Meaghan Smith.

Before purchasing a new item, how should we assess whether or not to get it?

Stylist Meaghan recommends asking yourself some very important questions before you buy something new. I’ve been using her system and it has improved my wardrobe tremendously and stopped me wasting my cash-money on useless fucking shit. So, before you buy, ASK YOURSELF:

  1. Do I love it?
  2. Is it flattering? Do I feel sexual? (Ok, I added the sexual part).
  3. Does it represent the style and image I want to portray?
  4. Can I imagine wearing this in at least 3 different ways using what I have at home?
  5. If it gets semen on it, will it wash off? Just kidding! Meaghan will be horrified I included this. She’s a classy dame and I am but a vile peasant – yet somehow, we get along!

How can I add personality to my outfits or update my wardrobe without spending a shitload of money?

Get some decorative shit! Stylist Meaghan says fun accessories can quickly bring new life to your wardrobe and change the look of your clothes. Think about it this way: if you get bored with your couch but don’t have the money to spend on a new one, you can change up the look by swapping over the cushions, throws, lamps and art around it. And you can do the same with your clothes — it could be a statement jacket, eye-catching jewellery, quirky shoes, a bright scarf, a chic belt… Anything that adds a bit of razzle-dazzle!

If I was going to splash out some big bucks on an investment piece, what should it be? Bag? Watch? Dress? Shoes? Diamante-encrusted strap-on?

Stylist Meaghan would splash out on a great bag, lovely shoes or an amazing jacket because these three things have the ability to elevate all the basics you have in your wardrobe… and if you look after them, you could have them for a fucking long time.

What common style mistakes do people make that let them down?

Stylist Meaghan works with women’s wardrobes every day and she’s nailed down some whoopsie-doodles lots of people make:

  • They wear things that don’t fit properly. Saggy-arse pants for example.
  • Shitty shoes that let their clothes down. C’mon shoes! Lift ya game.
  • Wearing outdated things that look daggy.
  • Not maintaining clothes properly – such as pilled knits or yellow-stained pits on white shirts!
  • Wearing the wrong size/style of bra. Crikey, yes! Lord knows I understand the power of a great bra – one can take my titties from looking like a pair of fire hoses to pleasant little melons.
  • While we’re talking about undergarments, don’t wear undies that are too tight and cut into your cheeks!
  • Buying dodgy quality clothes that look shithouse after a few washes.
  • Getting stuck in a style rut.
  • Wearing things that aren’t really their style – aren’t them – which affects how they feel and their confidence. This is why it’s important to spend time defining your personal style before you start investing in your wardrobe. What style are you? Classic with a skanky twist? Boho? Rock goddess? Uptight fucker? Full ho? Relaxed to the bone? Think about what you want your clothes to say and go for it! Be you!

Find Meaghan Smith and her style tips HERE. She’s fabulous!

%d bloggers like this: