G'Day, I'm Shannon.

 

What do you want out of life? I want joy.

 

I want titties that are fun to fondle. I want to laugh. I want to formally implement a No Dickheads Policy. I want to wheel my dog around like a vacuum cleaner but Lord knows I can’t do it because she has arthritis so it ain’t right. I want my kids to feel free and loved. I want to see every corner of the world even if it means witnessing Mr Shannon shit himself after eating microbe-ridden street food (again). I want to grow old. I want to give with a whole heart. I want Mr Shannon to continue to get stiffies for another 50 years but if his whistle gets too weird, puckered and wrinkly I don’t want to touch it – I’ll only mount it and I certainly won’t make eye contact with it. I want to be kind. I want to stop giving too many fucks about stupid shit. I want ride-or-die friends. I want someone to invent a pill that makes semen taste like bacon. And I want to make the internet great again.

 

Who am I? I’m me; no one special. I’m an author, mum and ex-nurse who is pro-cheeky but anti-mean. What will you get here? You’ll get:

 

  1. Honest thoughts on life.
  2. Food inspiration and recipes so delightful your nether regions will become puffy.
  3. Random helpings of utter drivel.

Thanks for being here, friend, I look forward to many inappropriate conversations,

Shannon x

Food

 

The place to click if you struggle to answer the age-old question of ‘What the fuck’s for dinner?’

Or if you want some nipple-stiffening nutritious desserts.

Life

 

Let’s chat about life.

About rooting, about why friendships end, about why it fucking hurts to bend over these days. Stuff like that.

Shop

 

OK, Shannon, you’ve convinced me of your fabulousness.

I’m ready to learn more about your ridiculous, inappropriate but totally relatable books.

Umm, why’d you write a parenting book?

When I had my first baby, I had no bloody idea what I was doing. I was overwhelmed with conflicting advice — it felt like no matter what I did, some bozo was going to judge me. But after a while, I realised: we’re all trying our best. And we won’t all raise children the same way — everyone has different values so there is no one size fits all approach to parenting. There are so many different ways to get it right! 

So, I wrote the book I wish I’d had: Parenting for Legends was a chance to make parents feel GOOD: less alone; encouraged; hopeful. I hope you love it.

Diets? Fuck off.

Nutrition matters and eating well is so important. But let me be clear: I’m anti-diet. The reason? Because every body is different so there can’t be one single solution that suits everyone. Some bodies thrive on meat and vegetables. Some thrive on tofu and fruit. And some thrive on semen and amphetamines. We are all different. Rather than committing to a stringent regime, I think the secret lies in finding what works for you — finding a lifestyle you can sustain and enjoy and kick arse on.

Want Some cool recipes?

For shizzle, friend. let’s go.

Jaffa Zero-Cheese Cheesecake

Sensual, dairy-free and guaranteed to get your nether regions rather puffy.

Peanut Butter Lactation Balls

Breast feeding? Take your breasts from ornamental to FIRE HOSE SETTING.

Feeling Like Shit Chicken Soup

The perfect soup for sick motherfuckers who are as flaccid as a 20-beer-dick.

Contact:

 

 shannon.kelly.white@gmail.com

Enquiries to my girl, Jess at:

jess@thetalentcollective.com.au

SOCIALS

 

Instagram

Facebook

Shannon's Bathroom Window