Feeling Like Sh*t Chicken Soup

Feeling Like Sh*t Chicken Soup

Sometimes we get sick and we just bloody want a bloody cuddle from our mums and some goddamn chicken soup. When my second child was born he had to be sliced out. When the surgeon lifted him skyward like Simba from The Lion King, I expected the ‘Circle of Life’ song to...
Easy as F**k Brownies

Easy as F**k Brownies

So, what we have here is pretty much butter and sugar which is why it tastes so goddamn excellent. There’s a time and a place to pull our dicks about nutritious foods but baking brownies is not that time. I was once health focused enough to try a famous blogger’s...
Honey & Nut Bars

Honey & Nut Bars

I used to be a morning person. An early riser? Haha, fuck no, but I was fairly cheerful and functional on waking. As a child it meant creeping out of a cosy bed to feed and cuddle my pony, Finn. That little porker didn’t like being made to wait for his chaff and hay,...
My Popular Chicken Satay

My Popular Chicken Satay

‘You can, ah… you can give it a little rub if you like,’ said the dear, weak old man mid bed-bath. He was my patient, I was his nurse. He was talking about his dick, which I was about to wash. I don’t know why old men delude themselves into thinking young nurses have...
Jaffa Zero-Cheese Cheesecake

Jaffa Zero-Cheese Cheesecake

This cheesecake leaves me reminiscing over mine and Mr Shannon’s engagement. The fucker had planned it beautifully. We were holidaying on a gorgeous island, he had a vintage ring, he had champagne, and had arranged for a helicopter ride to a white, sandy beach. But...
Peanut Butter Lactation Balls

Peanut Butter Lactation Balls

There was a time when I viewed my breasts like a set of earrings: they came in a pair, they were decorative and they stayed where I put them. But then I had children and they became a fully functional apparatus, and their role as ornaments became only a side-gig,...