A few years ago, Mr Shannon had to go to Dubai for work. A friend came to visit while he was gone and she said, ‘Wow! Dubai! That’s the land of luxury! I wonder what present he’ll bring you home?’ Oh yeahhhhhhh, I thought excitedly. I imagined him trotting through the front door with a gorgeous handbag or maybe even a sparkly bracelet. A ruby ring perhaps? But no. He didn’t bring diamonds. He didn’t bring gold. He didn’t even bring duty-free alcohol. The prick brought me home a fucking camel mug. It took all of my self-control not to smash it on the bench and shank him with it! Luckily for Mr Shannon I managed to calm myself with food — a much better alternative to manslaughter. So if you ever need soothing, I’m here for you: try this easy, comforting, tasty as fuck dinner and think to yourself, ‘It could be worse. I could’ve been given a camel mug.’

Ingredients: Serves 4

1 tablespoon butter (or ghee or extra virgin olive oil)

1 onion, chopped

4 garlic cloves, minced

1 knob ginger, minced

1½ teaspoons ground cumin

1 teaspoon turmeric

¼ teaspoon cinnamon

1 red chilli, chopped

1 x 400 g can diced tomatoes

1 cup (200 g) dried yellow lentils, rinsed and drained

4 cups (1L) stock (veggie if for vegetarians or chicken if not)

½ cup coriander leaves, chopped

Juice of half a lemon

To serve:

4 tablespoons crème fraîche (this ain’t optional. It’s bloody essential for deliciousness). If you want to be a skinny cunt I guess you can swap it for Greek yoghurt

Coriander leaves for pizzaz

Mint leaves to show off

Bread for an exquisite dipping experience


  1. Heat a biggish fucker of a saucepan over medium heat and add the butter/oil. When that’s hot to trot, pop in the onions. Gently fry them for about 5 minutes. Then add the garlic, ginger, cumin, turmeric, cinnamon and chilli and let that cook for about 1 minute, until it smells bloody grouse.
  2. Add in the tomatoes, lentils and stock and give it all a good stir, then turn the heat up to bring it to a boil. Cover with a lid and turn the heat down to low–medium and let that simmer for 20–25 minutes (until the lentils are tender little champs).
  3. Take it off the heat and bung in the coriander and lemon juice. Give it a wee season with salt and pepper for good measure.
  4. Serve it up in bowls with an almighty dollop of crème fraîche and a sprinkle of coriander and mint leaves. It would be prudent to also have a side of bread to dip in that motherfucker.
  5. Taste the soup, then look to the heavens and declare, ‘Lord almighty, how did Shannon make lentils so tasty!? Answer me!’

P.S. I know this meal looks as though it’s already been digested once, but please give it a chance, it’s fucking delicious.

P.P.S. This recipe is from Shannon Does Dinner: 6 weeks of go-to meals for those with nary a fuck to give.

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