Parenthood is a real ride and there have been some surprises for me. I didn’t expect applying sunscreen to a toddler to be more difficult than rubbing lotion on an angry snake. I didn’t expect my nipples to look like sad emojis after breastfeeding. I didn’t expect that hearing a child-free person complain about being tired would make me feel stabby. But it’s not all doom and gloom! There have been some pleasant surprises too. When your relentless offspring wakes at 2am for the 287th night in a row, it’s quite soothing to imagine your wee bebe is now 15 years old and you’re blowing an air-horn in their acne riddled sleeping face. Also, you can fart in public because people will assume one of your kids has shat themselves. Oh! And parenthood has also encouraged me to create nutritious treats such as this delightful lemon slice.

 INGREDIENTS: Makes about 16 pieces

The Base Bit:

  • 1 cup desiccated coconut
  • 1 cup roasted macadamias
  • 8 Medjool dates, pitted
  • 2 tablespoons coconut oil
  • A bee’s dick of salt

The Sexually Zesty Topper:

  • 1 cup raw cashews (soaked in water for a few hours, then drained)
  • 2 tablespoons coconut oil
  • 2 tablespoons honey (or maple syrup)
  • 1 lemon, juice and zest


  1. To make The Base Bit, simply chuck all that shit in a food processor and whizz the fuck out of it. Razz it until it looks sticky and fine.
  2. Grab yourself a slice tin (20 cm x 20 cm) and line it with baking paper. Then chuck in The Base Bit and press it down firmly until it’s flat as fuck. Put that in the fridge while you make The Sexually Zesty Topper.
  3.  Place the cashews, coconut oil, honey and lemony-bits into the food processor and tell that son of a bitch to bring his A-game and process until you’ve got a smooth and creamy blend. Then plonk it onto the The Base Bit and smooth it out. If you’re feeling fancy – and I suspect you are – then sprinkle on some desiccated coconut so it looks less ugly.
  4. Get that sensual creation into the fridge to set for a few hours then slice it up and tweak your heavenly nipps in celebration!


Shannon x

P.S. Have you read my honest, reassuring and non-judgemental parenting book, Parenting for Legends?

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