Being a nurse really takes over your life. For a start, everyone you know asks you for medical advice, ‘Hey, Shannon, I have this cut, do you think it’s infected?’ And sympathy? Gone. You find it really hard to muster compassion for people with a cold after you just nursed someone who couldn’t breathe at all and had to get intubated. If some doodlebug tells you they had a shitty day at work your eyes nearly roll back into your head. Did someone nearly die at their work? Did they get someone else’s shit on their leg too? Not that shit really bothers you when you’re a nurse. You can have in depth conversations about faeces while eating dinner — you could probably eat with a turd sitting right next to your plate. Medical TV shows? Ruined forever. It’s impossible to watch them without providing a critical commentary, ‘Pfft! Look! The oxygen mask is not even plugged in! Oh my god, 100 milligrams of morph!? Are they trying to kill her!?’ And you’ll be forever looking at people’s juicy veins and fantasising about getting an 18 gauge cannula in them. And another thing? You learn to eat really, really fast because you have a million things to do every shift and the breaks are short. So here’s a meal you can smash like a nurse.
Ingredients: Serves 4
- 400 g chicken thighs
- 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
- 180 g soba noodles
- 4 tablespoons of pesto
- 2 bunches of broccolini
- 200 g green beans, trimmed
- 1 lemon
- Heat a grill pan (a frypan is fine if you don’t have one!) to medium–high heat. Coat the chicken in 1 tablespoon of the olive oil and a bee’s dick of salt and pepper. Grill the chicken for 4–5 minutes each side or until cooked through.
- Meanwhile, cook the noodles according to packet instructions. Drain the fuckers, then place them into a bowl and stir through the pesto.
- Once the chicken is cooked, remove and let rest for 5 minutes while you place the broccolini and green beans (drizzled in 1 tablespoon olive oil) on the grill pan until just tender (will take 4–5 minutes).
- Slice the chicken, as well as the broccolini and green beans. Add to the noodles and mix through and then serve into bowls. Zest some lemon rind over the top (if you were a Spice Girl you’d be Posh Spice after that classy move!) and then serve with lemon wedges.
- If you have juicy veins hide them from any nurse friends unless you want them to fantasise about performing venipuncture on them.
Feel free to be one of life’s winners a pre-order a copy of Shannon Does Dinner. Christ on a bike: it contains 6 weeks of easy dinners… if that doesn’t make your undercarriage squelchy I don’t know what will.