Chocolate cake: it’s one of life’s winners. But with a fuckload of sugar, flour and oil, it’s not exactly the most healthful shit so, if you’d rather take your health risks in the form of binge drinking, fries and pingers, then making your chocolate cake more nutritious could be an attractive idea. Chocolate Goo-Goo Cake has less sugar, is wheat-free, more protein and is very bloody tasty and moist. In fact, its moisture content could rival a dirty Aussie bloke’s crotch in Thailand. Like the double entendre there? Revolting but accurate.


  • 3 cups almond meal
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/3 cup cacao powder
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 cup melted coconut oil (or butter or macadamia oil)
  • 1/2 cup milk (rice, coconut, dairy, soy, whatever the fuck you like)
  • 5 tablespoons maple syrup (or honey or rice malt syrup)
  • 3 tablespoons yoghurt (I like dairy-free coconut yoghurt, it tastes like sexual relations if sexual relations tasted coconutty and awesome but use whatever yoghurt you like)
  • 4 eggs, lightly beaten

The frosting-goo:

  • 100 grams chocolate
  • 1/3 cup coconut cream (or normal cream)
  • 3 tablespoons peanut butter (not essential, but awesome)
  • Pinch of salt (For the love of god don’t be shy!)


  1. Preheat the oven to 160C.
  2. Pop the almond meal, cacao powder, salt and baking powder in a large bowl and stir it all around like a crazy-mofo, then add in all the wet ingredients and give it another good crazy-mofo stir. It will form a thicker batter than a conventional cake, so don’t think you’ve balls-ed it up, you haven’t!
  3. Pour that chocolatey goodness into a greased and lined round 20cm cake tin and bake for about 35-40 minutes. Keep an eye on that fucker. Almond meal is more sensitive than flour and it burns like a cunt.
  4. Let that baby cool on a cake rack, and make the frosting next.
  5. Melt the chocolate and peanut butter in a bowl over a simmering saucepan of water. Or chuck it in the microwave, I give zero fucks. At the same time, gently heat the cream in another saucepan. I’m not sure the microwave would work for cream. Mum? What do you reckon? MUM!? When the cream is warm, and the chocolate and peanut butter have melted and gotten all up in each other’s business, mix it all together. Then sprinkle some salt over it and stir that through.
  6. Pour the frosting goo onto the cake and note that you now are the proud owner of a stiffie and a fucking awesome chocolate cake. Go forth and conquer!
%d bloggers like this: